My life was blowing in the wind and frayed at the edges. All I did was run around, doing for and worrying about others. I had so many things I needed to do for myself, to get me back up on my feet, and figuring out how or when I could do that, was stressing me to the max. I was angry at myself and my situation and couldn’t see a way forward. Basically… I was miserable.
One evening, while getting dinner ready, I went to the raised garden bed we have in the backyard to get some herbs for the dinner salad. I noticed a huge spiders web on the pole that held my wind chimes. As it wasn’t in any direct path, I let it be. Maybe helps with the mosquitoes? A couple of days later, going back to the garden for some rosemary… I literally walked into another HUGE spiderweb. Needless to say, I totally freaked-out. After shaking around bit, I froze. I looked down, there was a little white spider crawling off my arm and back into the raised garden. Thank goodness it wasn’t in my hair! Safely back inside the house, behind the huge picture window looking out into my backyard, I saw the spider that was really in that web, and it was HUGE! So glad I didn’t know that then!
The next morning, when I went to let Kayla (our family dog) out back, through our glass sliding doors… There was a spiders web that was attached from the bottom of the roof’s soffit, across the whole width of my glass door, down to about 2 feet from the ground (at least I could let her out). The spider was about 3 inches away from the glass door and right in front in front of my eyes. I could see that huge spider up close and personal! I quickly closed the door, and put a sticky note up, “SPIDER”, with an arrow pointing at it, as there was no way one could walk out the door without walking right through the web! I was too busy to even think about what happened, and continued through my stressful day, being even more unnerved. Later that evening while making dinner, and talking with David (Hubby) about the spider story… I thought, “wait a minute… what is Spider trying to tell me?” I know that spirit and nature have a way of communicating with us, when we are aware. Ted Andrews book “Animal Speak” has been with me for many years. I asked David to read me the meaning of Spider.
Spider represents the feminine energy of creation and reminds us that only we can create our own web. We must use our creativity to weave our lives into what we want. She symbolizes patience and receptivity… During that moment, while David was reading Spider’s medicine, I had an epiphany… I felt empowered! Like the gentle tap on a crystal that gets hit in the right spot, with the right pressure that shatters it. Yes, I still have to deal with much, as so many of us must do. I felt the strength of the power within me, reminding me that I get to choose how to weave my own web, reinforcing my creative abilities and endeavors!! I realized that I was “waiting” for something to happen, that something outside of me would bring about the change I needed. Now, I knew it was up to me to decide and take action. I was certain that once I got the message, Spider would disappear. The next morning, she was gone. That was over a year ago. I haven’t had any experience like that before, or after. I still feel the impact of that moment.
Since that time, much has changed. I began teaching jewelry making classes at our Library, got a part time job working with children, and am leading a series of workshops, teaching others to access their own creativity. I truly believe everyone can “weave their own web” and create a more enjoyable life for themselves, if they allow themselves to look inward first and then bring that out.
I tell you this story to remind you that sometimes when we need it most, we will get the guidance we are looking for. By keeping our minds open and aware, and figuring out the right questions to ask ourselves, we are able to find out who we are, and truly want to be.
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To honor this Spider, I started to bring her into my art.